


It's a Secret

by Believe_in_the_Journey (orphan_account)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alice is a gossip, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Hurt/Comfort, James Potter has a twin sister, Marauders' Era, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-03-25 03:05:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 19,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3794311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Believe_in_the_Journey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Julie Potter despised her best friend's brother. She blamed Regulus for Sirius' hatred of his home. And it's not until an innocent dare that she realizes that years of bullying and taunting have led to a crush. After a few months, the two are desperate to hide their feelings from everyone, including themselves. But can this kind of secret be kept from everyone?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One ~Off To Hogwarts~

**Author's Note:**

> So I started writing a Harry Potter fic a few months back and someone begged me for the prequel so I wrote one and now I'm determined to finish this before working on the original, so here you go!

I sat in the car fighting with James about where his satchel was. "James! You're crossing to my side!" I whined. James made a face and moved it closer to me. Mum gave us a look and we immediately stopped fighting. Three seconds later he was pushing my bookbag away from him and we were back to fighting, just silently. The second we got to King's Cross I could visually see Dad's shoulders relax. Apparently twins in six year are more of a handful than twins in fifth. I smirked at James and said in a sing-song voice "I bet Lily is here!"

James went red but gazed off dreamily at the station as if he could see his redheaded crush through the walls. I laughed and ran into the station. Smoke and noise filled the building as muggles with their little kids boarded trains having no idea of the magical world lying right in the middle. I pushed my trolley through the crowd and saw my best friend, Sirius Black, and my best girl friend, Alice Prewett. I walked quickly up to them, "Guys! You're here! I can't wait for school to start."

Sirius turned to me and hugged me. "Jules! Finally! Where's James?" I shrugged and started chatting with Alice about summer break. Sirius had stayed with us over the summer but spent the last week at the Leaky Cauldron. He'd left his mother's place when school ended and crashed at the Potter residence. Alice had went on to Germany and saw some amazing wizarding sights because her dad had gotten a promotion at the Ministry. Finally James and our parents caught up and we went inside Platform Nine And Three-Quarters. I saw classmates and first years and seventh years all over the place. Owls hooted and chatter filled the air. I hugged Mum and Dad goodbye and got on the train, opting to sit with Alice, Lily Evans, and Frank Longbottom, instead of my brother and his buddies. I hated watching them shove Severus Snape around, whether he was a filthy, good-for-nothing Slytherin, or not. Boys could be such idiots sometimes.

While Frank and Alice flirted awkwardly, I got caught up with Evans. Even though she started out as such a prick, she grew on me and got me into books. Who knew books held so much intrigue? Halfway into the trip, just when we started flying by the same old wheat fields, I saw Regulus Black's silhouette pass in front of our door. I slipped outside and got his attention, my blood boiling. I was furious at him for not sticking up for his brother when he left. "You git. How could let your brother leave and never stand up for him, coward. You have no idea how much he's hurting."

Regulus stared at me, his hair covering most of his face. "You think I don't know my own brother? You may have spent the summer with him, but I grew up with him. And trust me, if he wanted to come back, Mum would let her little angel back in. So just stop jumping to conclusions, you don't know anything about my family!" Then he walked away from me. I huffed, "Prick," before slipping back into my compartment.

When we finally reached Hogwarts, all of us changed into robes, I was starving. We swarmed into the Great Hall, and I somehow ended up sitting next to my compartment buddies and across from James and his posse. Naturally James asked Lily if she'd go out with him three times before first years even got into the room. "James, stop, I want to be able to eat dinner without hurling it back up." I moaned, holding my hollow stomach. James rolled his eyes and started shoving his friends, Peter ended up falling off the bench. Once Peter got reseated, the hat started its annual song. It was the usual poetic stuff about the four Houses. Once “Waters, Devon” was sorted into Ravenclaw, the golden dishes filled with food and we all dug in. I loaded my plate with everything within reach and started inhaling it.  
"Julie, stop, I want to be able to eat dinner without hurling it back up." James said, adopting a high-pitched voice as he quoted me.  
I rolled my eyes and ate more.  
"Look at those new innocent Slytherins. Don't worry, you'll be brainwashed soon and become minions." Sirius said darkly. I snickered and finished main courses as deserts appeared in place of the old food.

******  
I settled into my dorm, the only difference, the sign that now read sixth years instead of fifth. Alice, Lily, and Hadley Brook got unpacked and we sat on our four-posters and gossiped about new couples and getting back into each other's lives after being away for so long. Before midnight, we all collapsed in exhaustion.


	2. Chapter Two ~Truth or Dare~

It had been several weeks since school started. I'd taken to ignoring Regulus in the hallways, though the first week every time I saw him, I berated him. He and I were officially rivals. I hated him and he thought I was just another stuck-up, self-involved Potter. Everyone had settled into the Hogwarts schedule and the classes. During breakfast on Saturday, I was playing Truth or Dare with Sirius, James, Alice, Lily, and a Ravenclaw girl named Clara Higgel. The rules of the version we were playing were simple. If you lie, you will be hexed. If you don't do the dare after your first chicken, you will have to pay up whatever fee decided by the group. It was Sirius' turn. He looked straight at Lily and said with a mischievous smile, "Snog James for... twenty seconds, or pay me... ten galleons." She'd already used her chicken. Lily's cheeks went bright red, putting her hair's shade to shame. She moved closer to James, leaned in and kissed him for ten seconds... fifteen.... twenty! James was grinning ear to ear as Lily wiped her mouth off in disgust. We all knew she loved it.

Lily looked at Alice and asked, "Truth or Dare?" Alice replied with a dare for the first time this game. Lily grinned, "Turn your hair bright pink for the rest of the day or pay me five galleons." Alice shrugged and magically changed her hair to a bright shade of pink. Lily laughed, resulting in five solid minutes of everyone in our group laughing until we all had cramps and our faces were flushed.

Finally, Alice turned to Clara. "Truth or Dare?" Clara replied with a truth. Alice thought for a second and said, "Do you have a crush on Sirius?" Clara blushed harder than Lily had and shook her head. The lie detector in the middle of the table lit up and Alice giggled. She hexed Clara to have the word 'Liar' written in bright red ink across her forehead. The word was now worn by Sirius, Clara, and me. Clara grinned and looked straight at me.  
"Truth or dare?" I responded with dare. Clara's brown eyes examined the Great Hall and landed on the Slytherin table.... oh no. Clara's face lit up with an evil smile and she said, "Snog Regulus Black for thirty seconds or pay me twenty galleons."  
James mouthed 'pay up' and I searched my wallet, but I only had ten. I stood and Sirius and James stood up roaring that I shouldn't have to do it. But Clara ignored them. "Go on, Julie."

I slowly walked over to the Slytherin table, pulled Regulus up, and kissed him on the mouth for ten seconds... I knew it wouldn't be enough. She'd said snog. So I kissed him properly. It felt weird, not like any kiss I'd ever had, though it could be because I'd never kissed a statue before. He was completely unmoving in shock. I heard wolf whistles. twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty. I broke away, gagging and licking my sleeve, wiping my lips off, wishing there was a disinfectant for mouths. I hoarsely hissed "Dare." Then ran back to my seat, banging my head repeatedly on the Gryffindor table repeating over and over "I hate you!IhateyouIhateyouIhateyouIhateyou!" Lily and Clara were doubled over with laughter, Alice, James, and Sirius had looks of utter horror on their face.  
"That was soooooo mean, Clara!" Alice hissed.  
"I can't believe you made my sister kiss a Slytherin! No offense, Sirius" James whined.  
Sirius shook his head. "I'm appalled too."  
I gagged again and ran off to my dorm after saying briefly "Disinfectant..."  
There was just a small problem with this whole ordeal.... I had enjoyed kissing Regulus!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to the amazing J.K. Rowling for all characters except my OC's.  
> (Note that my OC's are Julie Potter, Clara Higgel, and Hadley)  
> Please don't steal!


	3. Chapter Three ~Insanity~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julie has a mild panic attack and makes a ridiculous decision to ignore her feelings

I sat on my bed, fidgeting. I had to figure out a logical reason for why I could have possibly liked the kiss. Maybe it was just a fluke thing, or misunderstood feelings.... maybe he was crushing on me, and I just got mixed up between vibes... but I'd have to kiss him again to figure that out, and there was absolutely no way I would be doing that. I just needed to find myself a nice boyfriend, or maybe set up Clara and Sirius.. no I needed a boyfriend, that's all. I just haven't had a good kiss recently, it must be hormones... I just needed a good, solid boyfriend. 

I started thinking about some of the sweet, attractive boys in school. Like Sirius, just not Sirius, he was too much like a brother to me. Maybe that really smart, good-looking Ravenclaw... what was his name... Toby Wilds? No, Thomas Wolf, that was it. Or maybe Regulus... NO! What was I thinking? Thomas, Thomas was a great choice. 

There was a knock on my door, and Clara and pink-haired Alice walked through the door. Alice was holding my black kitten, Quill, and Clara looked remorseful. I stood up, stopping Clara before she could utter her apology. "It's fine, I just realized I really want a boyfriend." I amended, at their horror-struck faces, "Not Regulus, ew, no, do either of you know Thomas Wolf?"

Clara's brightened. "He's a friend of my brother, I could set you two up."

I nodded and said, "Deal, but you have to kiss Sirius to make up for Regulus. And I mean a proper snogging session, like up against the wall, running your fingers through his hair, kissing. And if you don't, you'll owe me 50 galleons."

Clara glared, "You, dear friend, are evil!"

I smirked, taking Quill from Alice, "Thanks. Payback time. Go on, is he down stairs?"

Clara shook her head, but Alice stopped her, "Yes he is. Come on, Clara. You know you'll love it."

Clara went beet red then said morosely "But what if HE doesn't?"

I grinned. "He will! I heard you're the best fifth year kisser."

Clara crossed her arms." But he's used to sixth year kissers."

Alice swept her short pink hair from her eyes and said. "Stop making excuses and pucker up." The girl held up a stick of lip gloss and applied it to Clara's lips. Then the two of us dragged the smaller fifth year Ravenclaw downstairs, leaving her with Sirius and sitting in the arm chairs to watch the show. Clara shyly kissed Sirius, and when he didn't pull away, she pushed him against the wall, running her fingers through his black hair. He was definitely kissing her back. They only separated when they were out of breath.

It wasn't as amusing for me as I hoped. In fact I felt depressed. I really wanted a boyfriend. Which was pathetic. I should not need a boyfriend. But I wanted one.   
'I am such a pathetic hormonal girl, I am almost disgusted with myself.' I thought quietly.

'Why didn't Regulus kiss me back?" I wondered. 'Wait... what?' I thought again. Yep, definitely time to get a boyfriend.

Clara turned to me, her face flushed and her eyes bright, "Okay, you wanna meet Thomas?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could not resist giving Sirius a girlfriend.


	4. Chapter Four ~A New Guy~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alice is a gossip, Clara is blatantly obvious, and Thomas is smoothly flirtatious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to note that this story is also posted on my Quotev website and that one will likely be updated more often. I will try to get a link to that story at some point in time. However, please keep in mind that I edit a lot and the two will likely not be 100% identical. I will try to keep it identical, but I guarantee nothing.

I nodded. "Yeah, thanks."  
Clara took my hand and led me to the library where her brother was hanging out with some friends. "Charles, this is my friend, Julie."

Charles smiled at me and waved. "Hey. So I hear you got my sister a boyfriend." 

Clara gawked at him. "We're not even a couple yet! How'd you...?" 

Charles grinned. "Alice. She ran up here while you were snogging Sirius. Don't worry, I won't punch this boyfriend. Unless he hurts you. So, I'm guessing you're here for a return favor?" 

"Alice tell you that too?" I asked.

He nodded. "Come on, Thomas is right over here."

I followed him over to a the good looking sandy-blonde, chocolate-brown eyed, freckled Thomas Wolf. I smiled brightly at him. He returned the smile. "Hey, Charles, Clara. And who might you be?"

I grinned wider. "Julie Potter. It's nice to meet you."

"The pleasure is mine, Julie. I've heard quite a bit about you from Clara. Though not quite as much as about Sirius." He said, winking at my brunette friend. Clara blushed, but Thomas high-fived me. "Well done. It's about time." 

Clara grinned, "Enough about me. So what do you think of Julie, Thomas?" 

I elbowed Clara. Thomas smirked. "I think she's a lot more subtle than you are, Clara."

I blushed and looked at the ground. Charles dragged his sister away to a series of shelves. Thomas spoke once they were gone. "You want to get some butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks some time?"

I agreed quickly, but had to leave soon after, much to Clara's annoyment. 

"Stop whining, Clara. You'll get to see your boyfriend in the Gryffidor common room."

Clara sighed. "No I won't. I have to go back to Ravenclaw. Say hi to Sirius for me, would you?" 

Clara left for her own House, leaving me to return to Gryffindor alone. On my way, I was stopped by Regulus.  
"Why do you have 'Liar' inked onto your forehead?" he asked. Of all the things to ask, he asked that?

"I was playing Truth or Dare with some friends, which is why I kissed you." I said, shuddering for effect. 

His expression changed. For a moment he looked.... disappointed. Then his face hardened. "Next time, try refusing."

"I never refuse a dare." I snapped.

"Or did you just not have the money, Potter?" He inquired acidly. "I see no other explanation for you having accepted to kiss me."

I stopped. He was right. Stupid intelligent boys. "Git." I spat.

He sneered, "Arrogant, stuck-up, little diva."

I shoved him and ran away. Tears filled my eyes. Why was I crying? I didn't care what he thought of me. He was just a stupid little Slytherin. I had a boyfriend now, so why were my emotions still haywire when it came to Regulus?


	5. Chapter 5 ~Halloween~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hog's Head is decked out for Halloween and all the students are partying hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning that there will be some physical abuse in this one, but I promise that it won't be very detailed with the worst bits

A month passed and I was feeling much better. It was like Regulus never existed. Thomas was a great boyfriend, so sweet, buying me drinks and chocolates. And he wrote me these cute little poems, probably stolen from a book, the first week. It was adorable. James said he was sick of finding us kissing in the hallway, but I ignored him. Halloween was coming up, and he, being muggle-born, was insisting we dress-up in costumes. I would be wearing a pirate costume, and he would be wearing a Peter Pan costume, his favorite childhood story. When he'd heard I hadn't read it, he insisted I borrow the book from him. After I read it, I tried to convince him to let me be Tinker Bell, but he insisted the dark-haired pirate would look much better on me. 

I was walking to class a week before Halloween when my eyes were covered by two mysterious hands. "Guess who." A voice whispered in my ear.  
"Hm... James?" I asked.  
"No."  
"Remus?"  
"No."  
Sirius?"  
"No!"  
"Peter?!"  
"Now that's just mean."  
I removed Thomas' hands and giggled. "Hey, there. I was just joking." I kissed his nose. "Good to see you! It's been such a hard day."

"Well, Thomas is here, Julie. Everything will be okay. Is your costume ready? A bunch of my buddies and their girls' are going to a Halloween party at the Hog's Head, wanted to know if we wanted to go."  
"After the feast?"  
"Of course, Jules."  
"Then I'd love to!" I said, hugging him.

The week passed like a daydream. Suddenly it was Halloween and Clara and Alice were helping me struggle into a too small costume.  
"Suck in!" Clara demanded.  
"Didn't you try it on before you bought the thing?" Alice said, trying to tie it up.  
"I am and no! It didn't look this tiny!"  
"Don't worry, I think I know a spell." Clara said. She took out her wand and before she cast the spell, Alice managed to lace and tie it completely.  
"Can't... breathe!" I gasped, my hand on my chest. Clara muttered a few words and the corset loosened enough for air to reach my lungs. "Thank you! Help me with the skirt and that shirt, than hair time!" I exclaimed.  
Alice pulled the much looser, billowy, white top over my head, while Clara helped me step into the blood red skirt. The shirt was a very low cut and the skirt had a huge slash down the side.  
Once I was costumed up, they curled my hair and I was ready to go.  
"Have fun!" Alice said. Clara, in a cute black Labrador costume, came with me. She and Sirius were going as a puppy-dog couple. It was adorable and hilarious. Clara still did not understand why we laughed whenever she talked about her costume.  
When we reached the Hog's Head, Thomas and Sirius were waiting. Sirius looked hilarious in his black puppy dog costume, and Thomas was... well, my knees went weak. He looked amazing. 

"Look at my good-looking girlfriend." Thomas said, looking me up and down. I crossed my arms self-consciously, but he kissed me, and dragged me inside. The run-down place was decked out. Fake cobwebs, and real ones, were everywhere, plastic skeletal-bones took the place of streamers on the ceiling, and cauldrons filled with dry ice were placed strategically throughout the building. And the party was in full swing. Rock music blared at a deafening volume and alcoholic beverages had clearly already been broken out. 

"This is amazing!" I shouted into his ear. 

He nodded, a huge grin on his face as he dragged me deeper into the crowd of drunken dancers. He handed me a glass of firewhiskey that I hadn't seen him holding, and I quickly downed it. We danced for a while, both getting more and more drunk. Eventually we caught up with Clara, who caught me making out with Thomas. I'd lost the white top that went over the black corset, but Thomas said I looked way better without it, so I really did not care. Sirius and I danced to a song, and he handed me a special firewhiskey and vodka mix. Perks of going to a muggle-born hosted party meant more variations of alcohol. Soon I was so drunk, Sirius had to pretty much carry me back to Thomas. 

Once my best friend and his girlfriend were sure I was okay, they left me with Thomas, which was probably a bad idea, since he was almost as drunk as I was. 

"Come on, Ju.." He slurred, pulling me to a staircase in the back.  
I followed him tiredly upstairs. A blanket was waiting for us. Nobody was up here, like I'd believed. "Thomas?" I said, worriedly. (A/N: Don't worry, it doesn't get too visual, but if you'd rather skip, I can summarize the chapter at the end in the notes.)

Suddenly, he looked a lot less drunk. "Lay down, Julie. Aren't you tired?" 

"No, Thomas, this isn’t... it's not..."

He pulled hard on my arm, forcing me to the ground. I wanted to get up, to leave, but my legs were like lead and my head was too foggy. He started unzipping my corset.  
"No, Thom... please." I begged.

My corset was removed a lot quicker than it was put on. I started crying. He ignored me, nibbling on my neck a little too hard. "Come on, Julie, you'll love it."

"Stop... ple..." The room was swaying and I felt increasingly lightheaded.

"Don't fight me, Julie!" He said, his hands yanking on my skirt. How had this happened? 

I tried to scream, but the music was too loud. No one would hear me. He succeeded in removing my skirt and started kissing me roughly. It was nothing like the sweet, passionate kisses of the past month. This was forceful and he kept shoving me around, trying to keep me from escaping. And I was a mess. I was too weak, too tired, too drunk to fight him. Just as he was removing his pants and I was crying harder, a figure came up behind him and jerked him away. The figure helped me up, and behind the green snake mask, a voice hissed, "Get out of here!" He shoved me a too big emerald green robe and pushed me in the direction of the staircase. He started punching Thomas as I fumbled with the cloth. I managed to pull it on and stumble downstairs. The party was still going, the music louder than ever. I barely found my way outside, but I did, and hid under a willow, too exhausted to move further. I started sobbing as I curled into a fetal position on the grass. I wasn't there long before the boy in the snake mask came. I flinched away from him. What if he tried to rape me too?

"Hey, sh. I won't hurt you Julie. It's me, Regulus." He said gently, sitting down and removing his mask. 

"Regulus?!" I exclaimed, in shock.

He nodded. "I heard that bastard talking to his buddies last week about doing it with his girlfriend tonight... I didn't know it was you until I saw you going upstairs with him. I just had this feeling... I'm so sorry I didn't stop him sooner."

I couldn't respond, I just sat there, a numb sense spreading through my body. Thomas had planned this. It wasn't just some alcohol induced desire. Tears flooded silently down my face. Then Regulus hugged me. It was meant to calm me down, but I flinched away from the contact anyway.

"If it makes you feel better, pretty boy's going to have a nice black eye and broken nose tomorrow." Regulus said, his voice filled with anger.

"Why'd you help me? It's not like we... well, we aren't really that great of friends." I said quietly.

He looked at his hands intently. Even in the dark night, the fuzzy, blurry light from the Hog's Head was enough to see his blush. "Uh, I just, well, no one should violate a person like that."

That made me cry harder.

"Merlin, I'm sorry, please don't cry... sh... Let's get you back to your brother before I say anything else stupid..." He said, picking me up, bridal style. It was so sweet and I was so tired, I just kind of fell asleep in his arms on the way up to the castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who skipped the chapter, here's what happened
> 
> After Thomas dragged Julie upstairs,he tried to assault her, but a man in a green snake costume came and beat him up. He gave Julie a green robe to cover up with and met her outside the Hog's Head. It's revealed that her savior is Regulus. She asks why he helped her and he reveals that he heard that Thomas had planned what he attempted to do to her. Regulus then carries Julie back to the castle.


	6. Chapter Six ~After Effects~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julie is still drunk, her friends try to comfort her and fail  
> Julie is mildly depressed

I woke up to James, Sirius, and Clara screaming at Regulus. I was still in his arms, wrapped in a dark green robe, and it sounded like they thought he’d been the one to…. I burst into tears and shrank closer to Regulus away from my screaming friends and brother. They stopped making noise as soon as they saw me awake. 

“Give me my sister!” James said stiffly. I did not want him to, but Regulus complied. 

I squirmed from James arms, and just as Sirius opened his mouth to rebuke his brother further, I cut him off. “Stop! He didn’t do anything to me! H-he st-stopped Th-tho….” I said, my voice shaking. 

Clara wrapped her arms around me. “Okay, honey. You don’t have to say anything. Sirius, get Julie…” 

Her saying that made me cry harder. He’d called me that as he’d tried to get me to stop running away. 

“Sh, you’re safe now, Ju… Jules.” James said gently. Regulus stood awkwardly in the hallway. We were not in the common room, meaning he must have met them as they were leaving. Sirius returned with a blanket and draped it over my shoulders. 

“Why don’t you lay down, Jules. You’re probably tired, you’ve had a rough go. Just get some sleep.” Sirius said, slowly pulling me towards the painting of the fat lady. “Fortis.” he said, and the painting swung open. 

I stopped walking. My head spun and I realized, this was not Sirius. It was still Thomas. I was still up there with him, and Regulus had not saved me.

“You must be tired, Julie. Lie down.” Thomas’ voice echoed in my head. 

I yanked my hand from Sirius and toppled backwards, alcohol unbalancing me. I tried to crawl away, but they stopped me. 

“Jules, you’re safe now, it’s okay. Just calm down… please don’t run away. We won’t hurt you…” James said desperately, walking slowly towards me. 

I stopped trying to escape and allowed my brother to hug me. He rocked me back and forth as I sobbed. “You guys go upstairs, get her pajamas. Regulus…. thanks.”

Regulus nodded and left; Clara and Sirius going into the dormitories. Slowly, James carried me into the common room and up the stairs; Clara standing on them so we would not slide to the bottom. The boys left long enough for me to change, and stayed in the dorms until Clara insisted I’d sleep better without them. She was right, the boys were making me cry harder. 

When Lily, Alice, and Hadley came into the dorms, Clara quietly explained what had happened. Lily looked at me with horror, then her expression became angry and she stormed off, probably to punch him in the face. Alice and Hadley sat on my bed and hugged me comfortingly as I bawled. Soon, I cried myself to sleep. 

Aren’t you tired, Julie?  
Don’t fight me!  
Come on, Jules, you’ll enjoy this.

I screamed myself awake; Alice, Hadley, and Lily were instantly at my side. But I did not want them, I only wanted my brother. I cried harder as they tried to calm me down, and just kept sobbing, until there was nothing they could do but go back to bed. As soon as they were asleep, I snuck off to the bathroom. I looked like a trainwreck. My eyes were puffy and bloodshot, my face blotchy and my makeup was smeared all over the red and white skin. I unwrapped myself from the blanket and took off Regulus’ green robe. I hadd borrowed one of Hadley’s uniforms a long time ago, and put that on. The shirt and sweater were big on me making me feel more comfortable. But the skirt… I could not wear it. I just could not bring myself to put it on. I quietly Accio’d a pair of James’ slacks and pulled those on. Once I was comfortable with the outfit, I put the robe and blanket on over it and went back to bed. I fell asleep again and everything Thomas had said to me the entire night just replayed over and over in my dreams. 

The next morning, I wore my hair up in a messy ponytail and ballet flats in place of my usual sandals. I washed my face, but avoided makeup. Breakfast was uncomfortable because everyone kept looking at me for wearing slacks.

Finally, in Transfiguration, Professor McGonagall commented on it.  
“Ms. Potter, I need to talk to you.” she said after class. 

I clutched onto my bag like a life preserver and walked up to her desk. “Yes, ma’am?”

“Your brother’s slacks are rather inappropriate for class, don’t you think?” she said shrewdly. 

Alice appeared at my side. “Ma’am? Please, don’t make her change… she… was…” 

Alice had a quick whispered conversation with her and McGonagall looked as if she had been struck. 

“Ms. Potter, I’m so sorry. I will have Mr. Wolf dealt with immediately. I’m afraid you will have to explain to the Headmaster what happened…. can you do that?”

I nodded, not meeting her eyes. If I did, I would burst into tears again, and I could not cry anymore.  
At lunch, I picked at the food, nibbling on a piece of bread and eating an orange to please James. After, I ran to the bathroom and threw it all back up. I sank to the floor and started crying again. This was a nightmare. I would wake up soon… why would Thomas do this to me?! I buried my head between my knees and cried until Hadley burst into the bathroom.

“Julie? Hey, can you unlock the door, please?” Hadley called quietly, knocking softly on the door.

I did as she asked, and she sat down next to me. We spent a good half hour there; her rubbing my back and me sobbing. Eventually, she begged me to come to class, reminding me how upset Slughorn would get if I was late to potions, since I’d already missed a week. I agreed, and followed her to class. 

Naturally this was the class we were learning about love potions. I shook as I flipped to the page, trying to not cry anymore. Slughorn droned on about the properties and dangers of love potions, also known as Amortentia. Then had us start brewing. When he finally called time, my potion was a foggy shade of pink, but then James jogged my elbow and I accidentally spilled too much porcupine quills into it, turning it a lavender color. I glared half-heartedly at James, but couldn't bring myself to be actually angry. Slughorn brought up Severus with his potion and Lily looked really proud of him. Her potion was only a shade lighter than his, but she did not seem to mind. "Class, this is the best example of what Amortentia should look like. I want each of you to come up here and breathe in and tell me what you smell." Slughorn said. We made a line, most of the others complaining about how lame this was, but I stayed quiet. When it was my turn, I breathed in deeply. An aroma filled my nose. It smelled of coffee, fresh parchment, and vanilla. I felt calmer then I had since Halloween. For some reason it relaxed me.


	7. Chapter Seven ~Moving Forward~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://www.quotev.com/story/5293817/Its-a-Secret-Prequel-to-Raven-Black  
> Here's the link to the one I have on Quotev! Remember, it might be slightly different due to editing.

It had been a month since Halloween, nearing the end of November. and Thomas had been expelled for what he did to me. Professor McGonagall informed me privately that my story would not have gotten him expelled if it were not for a person that testified my whereabouts at the party and having seen me up their with him, struggling against him. It stunned me that Regulus had helped me so much. Even though McGonagall had not said straightforward that it had been him, he was the only one that had been there. 

I did not understand why he had protected me or why he had beat Thomas up so harshly. The boy had had dark bruises, a split lip, broken nose, and a sprained wrist before he left the school for good. Clara was extremely appalled about what had happened as she had hooked Thomas and I up in the first place. I reassured her that I would have gone after him without her help, but I could tell she was still feeling guilty. James and Sirius had been annoyingly overbearing, glaring at any boy that looked at me. Remus, Lily, Clara, Hadley, and Alice were protective in their own manner. They were all very careful about not talking about anything that would upset me, including wolves. 

Which was how I ended up left out of the excursion to the Shrieking Shack that night for Remus' full moon problem. I was livid, but they refused to let me come, saying I was too distracted. I stormed around the dorm room, Alice, Hadley, and Lily giving me strange looks about my late night rampage. Eventually I left the Gryffindor room to go catch a snack in the kitchens. I crept through the hallways undetected and was pleased to find a tray of half-eaten cheese, meat, and crackers sitting out. I sat down at the table to eat my fill, or at least until I had calmed down. When someone came into the barren kitchen, I was so startled, I leaped into the air, knocking the tray over. 

Regulus looked startled at the clang, clearly not expecting anyone to be down in the kitchens at the hour I was. 

"Potter." He said, voice full of disdain.

His tone stung in a way it had never done before. I was confused by the pang in my chest at the simple usage of my name, but ignored it. "Black." I responded in the exact same tone.

"What are you doing down here? It's late. Are you about to defile the school with your idiotic friends?" Regulus snapped, rummaging through the cupboards for food. 

"You're share genes with one of those idiots, so what does that make you?" I snapped, picking up the mess I had made.

I was startled when two pale, long-fingered hands were suddenly picking up the ruined food. "Why are you helping me?" 

"The mess would not have been made had I not scared you." Regulus responded, tossing the snack into a waste bin. 

"And those other times?" I asked, not looking up at him, preferring to bring one cracker that had not fallen to the floor to my mouth to nibble on. 

"What was I supposed to do? Leave you there? Besides, I answered this question that night." Regulus said defensively.

"I know but... you did not have to beat him up, yet you did." I said, looking up at him through my eyelashes. 

"I was angry that anyone would do that to someone. It was not right. Leading someone on, just to try to... you know... later on." Regulus said with a shrug, turning around to continue searching for food. I noticed he was incredibly tense. And the distraction of looking at him also led me to notice the faint smell of coffee. It made me smile slightly. 

"Sorry for ruining your snack, by the way." Regulus continued, back still turned. "Would you like some strawberries?" he asked gruffly, turning back around with a small wooden crate of the red fruit. 

I nodded. "Yes please." 

It was very disorienting to have him being so nice to me as we had spent so much of our school years bullying each other. I had this vague sense inside of me that I was falling hard for him, but I refused to let myself be distracted. I knew I liked him because he had saved me from Thomas and I did not want to trick myself into believing it was a crush and not infatuation. I knew so much better than that. Yet, there was this nagging feeling in my brain that reminded me that I had started dating Thomas to stop thinking about Regulus. I shook my head in irritation. It was ridiculous. He would never feel the same and I could not continue with the ridiculous unrequited-infatuation-pity-party. I nibbled on the somewhat bitter fruit quietly and tried to ignore the very obvious awkwardness in the room. Once I had my fill, I left without a word to go back up to the Gryffindor dormitory. It was just my luck that Regulus and I were both busted by Peeves who made a very loud ruckus to summon Professor Arthwright, who was the current Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher and very strict. He hated every student almost as much as Filch. I personally thought it was because he was older than grass and could not remember a time as a child, but that was just me. 

"Little anklebiters running a muck, can't have that. No sir. Rules must be obeyed. You will learn." he muttered, gripping the backs of our collars and shaking us rather hard. "Detention for breaking curfew, thirty points from your Houses. In my day, punishment was much more strict. No one dared break curfew for a date, lest they be wanting t' hang by their toes in the dungeons while cornish pixies nibbled on their ears." the psycho teacher actually cackled at that and then sent us off to bed.


	8. Chapter Eight ~Detention with Arthwright~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julie has detention alone and runs into some unsavory Slytherins

"How did you even manage to get in trouble last night? You were supposed to stay here!" Remus said, looking upset.

"My twin is such a troublemaker, she got in trouble without leaving the dorm!" James smirked.

"No she didn't. She left. She was all worked up about something. You guys leaving her out or something?" Lily asked, arms crossed, reclining in her favorite armchair.

"Julie!" Remus complained.

"I'm not a child! Leave me alone!" I snapped, done with them being so overprotective. "I wanted a snack, I got a snack, I got caught. Now I'm going to go serve my detention. I'll try not injure myself on the way, wouldn't want you to worry." I added sarcastically before storming out. 

"You guys really are too protective. You're practically fencing in a wild animal." I heard Lily comment before the Fat Lady portrait closed behind me.

My bad mood carried me all the way to detention, and worsened when I saw Regulus' slouching form in front of Professor Arthwright's desk. "You will be helping me clean out the these containers, Miss Potter. And you, Mr. Black will be helping Professor Flitwick collect books from the library for the fourth years' class."

I eyed the containers holding various magical creatures or pickled body parts. There was various liquids that looked thick and slimy. I hated to be the queasy girl, but I did not want to touch that stuff. I held my tongue however. No way was I letting Arthwright know he had gotten to me. I was honestly grateful we were being split up because the last thing I wanted was to spend an hour with Regulus Black.

Arthwright led Regulus to Flitwick's classroom after handing me containers to empty out and wipe down by hand. I tried very hard not to gag, even when the weird serpent thing wrapped itself around my wrist and took several minutes to pry off. As soon as I finished transporting the creatures and appendages, I began to wipe down the containers. It was gross, redundant work. The slime was clingy and mostly just spread around the glass the more I tried to clean it off. Eventually, when Arthwright still had not returned, I used my wand to siphon off the slime and then used the clean rag to make it appear as if I had used a wet rag and not my wand. I slid my wand back into my black boot two minutes before Arthwright returned. He examined my work with beady eyes before nodding. "Alright, you are free to go. Behave young lady." 

I sprinted out the door before he could change his mind and went to the loo to get the slime off my hands. Moaning Myrtle just happened to be in the first women's restroom I dived into. As I was scrubbing away four layers of skin, Myrtle floated through a stall and I groaned internally. Just my luck. 

"Oh! Have you come here to laugh at me too?" the ghost cried woefully.

"No, Myrtle. I just wanted to wash off my hands." I said hoping she would go away. 

"Liar! Just like your brother, you are! He and his little friends think I can't hear them making fun of me outside this room, but I can!" Myrtle said, her eyes flashing. She proceeded to turn on all the facets to flood the place. I hated it when she did that. I ran out before my shoes could be ruined from the water and thanked Merlin when she did not pursue me. I would have to talk to my brother about keeping his voice down in the hallways. 

Just when I thought I might get a little time to myself, there was Regulus. I swore he followed me around with the amount of times I kept running into him. As I turned the corner to avoid him before he could see me, I slammed into another person. When I looked up after falling hard onto the floor, I realized it was Barty Crouch Jr. He was a scrawny kid in Slytherin. His father was appalled when the blonde scarecrow of a boy did not make it into Gryffindor, but I was glad. He creeped me out. He had this weird tongue flicking thing and his eyes always darted around, never focusing on one thing for more than two seconds. It was disturbing. 

Barty grimaced at me. "Watch yourself, twit." 

I have never wanted to smack someone so badly in my life. Well.... actually, that was a lie, but I really wanted to slug him. Before I could, psycho boy kept talking. "One day, you may not be in such a safe environment. You would not want a repeat of Halloween?" 

My stomach turned and I slapped him. "Never threaten me! You will not ever touch me! I won't let you." I was shaking with fury and horror. 

"I would love to hear you scream. We could try right now." Barty sneered, pulling out his wand. My eyes widened. Was he about to 'crucio' me?

"She's not worth your time, Crouch." Regulus said, leaning against the wall. His intrigued look disgusted me. He just looked mildly entertained by the whole thing. "You might want to try a Hufflepuff. This one would kill you. And if she doesn't, her stuck-up brother will." 

Barty shrugged, but walked away. I glared at Regulus. "Did you seriously just tell him to go torture a Hufflepuff? What is wrong with you? You are sick! Did you only save me all those times just to get me to yourself? Are you going to torture me now?" 

"Sorry for saving your ass, git." Regulus said, holding up his hands. "He was going to hit you with an Unforgiveable Curse, I thought I might spare you the pain." 

"Why do you care?" I snapped.

"Maybe you have lived your whole life and never been hurt like that, but I have. Trust me, it's no picnic. You could be a little more grateful, but no. Your all important ego is just as big as your brother's. You can't take any help." Regulus retorted icily. 

"Why do you even want to help me? We have spent six years bullying each other; making each other's life hell. So if this is some warped bully ownership, get over yourself." I said in the same tone.

"You are so daft. You really are blind. Just go away." Regulus said before turning away to leave. 

What did he mean? How was I blind? My mind scrabbled for answers and turned up none, leaving me with a headache.


	9. Chapter Nine ~Confusion~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Julie goes to her friends to help her figure things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lame chapter title, I just had literally no inspiration for it. If you have a better idea, I'm open to suggestions. Thanks.

"So what did you have to do?" Alice asked. 

The two of us were alone in our dormitory. Alice was relaxing on her bed reading a textbook, I was just pacing. 

"Do? Oh, detention. Right, Arthrwright just left me to clean out some stupid jars. It was really gross. Had a run in with Moaning Myrtle in the lavatory when I tried to wash my hands. She hates my brother, by the way. Anyway, when I left Crouch stopped me. He said some really disturbing things. I can't stand that kid." I shuttered. 

"Isn't he... two years below us?" Alice asked, glancing up at her book.

"You haven't heard him talk! That fourth year has some nerve... you should have heard what he said to me. It was awful." My blood ran cold at the thought of what he might do to me if we ran into each other again.

"What did he say?" Alice said, going back to her book. I vaguely wondered if she was actually listening, but she was asking all the right questions so I guessed she was.

"He mentioned Halloween and he tried to... hit me with Crucio." I said, wishing the dorm was not so drafty.

"Are you serious? What a jerk. Does everybody know about that?" Alice asked, sitting up, her eyes flashing with anger. 

"I don't even know. But it gets weirder. This Slytherin told him off. Said that James would kill him if he messed with me and to go torture a Hufflepuff." I said, being careful to avoid Regulus' name. I wasn't sure why I did not want her to know who had backed me up, but I did it anyway.

"Slytherins have such a twisted way of standing up for someone." Alice said, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

"He also said something I didn't understand. After Crouch left... I yelled at him-"

"Of course you did." Alice muttered, rolling her eyes.

"And he got angry. When I asked him why he cared so much, he said I was blind. What do you think he meant by that?" I asked, collapsing on my four-post bed.

"He likes you." Alice said nonchalantly before her eyes widened. "Wait! Back up. A Slytherin likes you? Who is it?" 

"Um... I don't know his name... he was definitely in Crouch's year." I shrugged, avoiding the question, trying to make my mind stop spinning at this revelation.

"Gross!" Alice protested, shivering in disgust.

"Yeah. He's creepy." I agreed, lying through my teeth. "You know, I think I'm going to go for a walk. Please don't tell anyone about this. If James finds out he'll beat the kid up and the kid is totally harmless." 

"Whatever you say, Jules. Just be smart okay? If this kid starts bothering you, please tell me." Alice pleaded. 

"Of course." I nodded and then left in a hurry. 

I hated lying to Alice like that, but it had to be done. I could not let her figure out Regulus liked me. If she knew that, she might find out I returned the feelings. 

'What's the big deal? Just tell him you like him and then you two can date. It's not like it would last very long. It's just a stupid crush.' a small part of me said.  
'James would lose it. And Sirius... he's one of my closest friends! I can't do that to him.' the bigger part retorted.  
'So don't tell anyone. They should not be controlling your life anyway.'  
'I can't! I care about them!'  
'You care about Regulus too. And besides. It's your life, not theirs. You need to live a little. You can't stay shut away forever.'  
'But what if he is exactly like Thomas?' there it was. The real reason I was scared. How could I trust him? I did not understand any of his motives. And I felt as though I had struck home when accusing him of saving me from all torturers just so he could have me to himself. I did not know very much about Sirius little brother however, and did I not owe him the chance to prove me wrong? I was not sure, but the choice might not be completely mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't forget to comment. I love all feedback and critics. Just be nice about it. :)


	10. Chapter Ten ~Sparks~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I have literally no better chapter title for this. Hope you like it anyway!

While I was walking the grounds, I noticed a small person sitting crossed-legged between my friend's usual willow tree. I peered around the thick trunk and was surprised to see Regulus muttering to himself. Merlin, did I have a crush on a crazy person? 

'Be honest with yourself, honey, you already knew that' that really annoying part of me said.

"Shut up." I said, not realizing I was speaking aloud until Regulus startled. 

"J- Potter? What are you doing here?" Regulus demanded, looking terrified. 

"Uh... er.... this is kind of my favorite tree." I mumbled.

"Oh... me too." Regulus said awkwardly.

"Well... we will have to solve this. I cannot very well give this tree up and I cannot convince you to leave so we might just have to share." I grinned.

'What are you doing? You are going to ruin everything!' the much bigger part of me screamed.

'Shut up. I want this.' the smaller part insisted. 

"You don't mind?" Regulus said in surprise.

I shrugged. "If I have to deal with you to get this kind of view, I can do it." a small smirk turned up the corners of my mouth.

Regulus looked down then gestured at the space next to him. "Would you like a seat?"

I smiled and sat down. "It's amazing that it's so warm today. I mean... Christmas is coming up and here we are, no snow and warm sun." 

"It won't last long." Regulus predicted.

"Thank you so much for that, Professor Pessimist." I snorted.

"Oh you have a sense of humor now?" Regulus teased with raised eyebrows.

I scowled and shoved him. "Of course I do." 

He laughed and rubbed his arm. "Ow. You've never joked with me before, how was I supposed to know."

I stared at him. He grew uncomfortable and finally asked, "What?"

"I've just never heard you laugh before."

Regulus' face tinted pink and he frowned. "Oh. You know... I should leave, my friends will be looking for me."

I instinctively grabbed his wrist as he tried to leave. "Stay?"

I could feel my heart and breathing speeding up at the contact and knew my face must have been flaming. "I mean... you don't have to... Sorry, you can go- I... I, you know" I stuttered.

To my amazement and utter embarrassment, Regulus sat down. "Are you alright?" he asked me.

"Fine." I snapped. I did not mean to get angry or sound as such, but I had no idea how to react or what to say.

Regulus expression darkened at my mood swing and I felt guilty. "You don't have to get angry all the time you know."

"Regulus... what did you mean when you said I was blind?" I asked quietly.

Regulus eyes widened. "Did you just call me... Regulus?" 

"It's your name isn't it? Twit." I grumbled, crossing my arms to shrug off my embarrassment. "Stop changing the subject."

Regulus blushed and bit his lip. He did not answer my question and a sudden impulse took over as I leaned forward. I did not kiss him, but I did brush a stray strand of hair out his face. He flinched, looked up at me in surprise. "Julie... what are you doing."

"Trying to let you know that more than one person can be blind." I said softly.

He looked down without a word. "My mother will kill me." 

"My brother would kill you too. Sirius would kill me." I shrugged. "It could be a secret."

Regulus laughed without humor. "That would never work. If I were dating you... People would figure it out. My friends... they would hurt you, Julie."

"I trust you." I said seriously.

"Do you?" Regulus asked incredulously.

"To keep others from hurting me, yes." I nodded.

"You overestimate my influence." Regulus said.

"I'm a big girl. I can look after myself." I said.

I could visibly see him struggling with this. Then he clenched his jaw and looked up at me. "Why do you like me?"

"What?" I asked. The last response I had been expecting was that. That was usually the question the girl would ask.

"Why do you like me? Because I actually like things about you and I do not want this to be some mistaken infatuation." Regulus insisted.

"See, I thought that at first. After Halloween... I thought it was a damsel-in-distress-complex or something. But then I remembered why I went out with... him... in the first place." I shrugged.

"That does not answer my question." Regulus said, scowling.

I rolled my eyes. "You sound like my mother. Calm down, sheesh. I don't know why I like you, I just know it started after that stupid dare." 

"Are you kidding me?" Regulus demanded. "That is the most cliche thing I have ever heard."

"I'm sorry!" I snapped. "I'm just being honest. It's not my fault my emotions like cliches, give me a break. Besides, what do you possibly like about me?"

"I like your energy. How you are always so fiery about everything. I like the way you bite your lip while you're reading and tug on your hair when your thinking hard about something. I like how smart you are, and how you are almost always smiling." Regulus admitted, starting out worked up and ending with a soft voice and a red face.

I felt my face heat up as well. "How long have you been watching me?" 

"I don't watch you, I just observe a lot of things. I know that Myrtle hates your family and mine, I know that Alice Prewett is smart and loves thrills but is too shy to do them, I know that you feel bad for Snape and only resent him because he keeps Evans from Potter. I notice a lot of things." Regulus shrugged.

"You know what, I don't really want to know what all you observe, so we'll leave it at that." I said.

Regulus snorted and I giggled too. 

I was not quite sure why it took a breeze for me to notice, but there was a sudden gust of wind and I noticed a familiar smell. That of vanilla coffee and fresh parchment and my eyes widened in shock. "The potion. Merlin... I've known this whole time."

"What are you talking about?" Regulus asked with obvious confusion.

"Nothing, it doesn't matter." I shrugged. 

"I really should go..." Regulus said, not getting up. 

"Meet me here on Thursday, okay?" I said, standing first. 

"What ti-" Regulus started.

"Two p.m." I interrupted and ran up to the school before he could say another word.


	11. Chapter Eleven ~Secrets and Lies~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her brother suspects something is up with this unknown Slytherin and Julie tries to play it off.

When I walked back to the Gryffindor common room, I had been hoping for a peaceful game of cards (meaning an all out war) with James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, but instead all I saw was my twin relaxing upside down in his favorite armchair. He crossed his arms when he saw me. "So what is this I've been told about a Slytherin that keeps bugging you?" 

I huffed and mentally cursed Alice in my head. She was supposed to keep it quiet! Now I would be forced to lie to my brother too. "He's seriously harmless. I can handle this, James."

"He is not harmless! He is a creep! I can pound him for you, if you want." James said threateningly. 

"I can handle a fourth year making a pass at me, James." I said, rolling my eyes.

"A fourth year hit on you!?" James said with wide eyes.

"She didn't tell you about... Oh... Just Crouch." So Alice had kept her promise. 

James clambered from the seat and stared at me. "Tell me everything, right now!" 

"Calm down, James-y. It was just some Slytherin, I set him straight, alright?"

"Sure you did." Lily said, rolling her eyes as she appeared from behind the armchairs. 

"You've been listening this whole time?!" I exclaimed. 

Lily pulled up Remus and nodded. "We both have."

"Since when are you two such good friends?" I demanded.

"We've been friends for years, Jules." Lily laughed.

"Stop changing the subject!" James said crossly.

"Don't look so serious. It ruins your good looks, brother." I teased, ruffling his hair and flopping down in an armchair. 

 

Remus and Lily joined me, Lily curled up in hers with a book. I smirked as I noticed James' attention diverted to her and hoped I might get away home-free. No such luck as he forced his admiring gaze away from the pretty redhead and to me. "Tell me everything, sister."

"Fine! He's just some fourth year Slytherin with dark hair and dark eyes, I swear he's harmless. He won't bother me again. Besides, you should stop worrying about me and set Pamela Parvarti straight. I mean, she is always fawning over you. Someone really needs to tell her you only like redheads named after flowers." I smirked.

Lily's face turned red and she shot a glare at me. I smiled innocently back at her. James looked torn between embarrassment, annoyance, and his date-me-Evans face. IT was comical to watch him try to settle on an expression. He crossed his arms and decided to screw all three and sulk. I just snorted and tried to steal Lily's book. Remus took it from me and gave it to her as I shot him a look of disgust. "And here I thought we were friends. Traitor." Remus ignored me and went to go calm James down. The boy got so needlessly worked up so often. It was pathetic really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a filler. The good stuff is coming up!
> 
> Don't forget to comment! I love reading them.


	12. Chapter Twelve ~Sneaking Around is For the Stealthy~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Julie goes to meet Regulus and almost doesn't notice she is being followed

The day of my scheduled date, at precisely one fifteen in the afternoon, I made my way down to the Gryffindor common room in a nice green dress that passed my knees with its light, flow-y fabric. Despite the how thin it was, it was very warm and the sleeves circled my wrists with their lacy warmth. My nice dress instantly attracted the attention of Sirius and Clara who had been playing a game of Exploding Snap with some fifth years. They told their game friends to wait a minute while they assaulted me with questions.

"Where are you going?" Clara demanded.

"Who are you dressed up for?" Sirius asked at the same time.

"You look nice, what are you up to?" Clara asked when I didn't respond. 

"Woah, slow down! One at a time." I said, holding my hands up.

"Where are you going?" Sirius asked slowly with a smirk.

"Hogsmeade. I want to get some early Christmas shopping done." I said, lying through my teeth. I never did any early shopping for Christmas, and it was still November. 

"Dressed like that? I haven't seen you out of slacks since..." Sirius stopped when Clara shot him a dirty look. 

I looked up at him with wide, hurt eyes. "What's wrong with my dress?"

Sirius instantly tried to back track especially when Clara elbowed him in the ribs. "N-nothing... Ow! Nothing... it looks very nice. Have a good time." he choked out.

I smiled and waved goodbye, flouncing out to the grounds. I was halfway to the designated tree when I saw the shadow following me. I whirled around. "Clara? Why are you following me?" 

"I thought we could go shopping together!" Clara said with a smirk, crossing her arms. 

"I-I... er... I was going to get your gift first though..." I said, trying to keep from flinching at the weak lie. 

"Mhm. And since when is Hogsmeade this way, Julie?" Clara said raising her eyebrows.

"I wanted some alone time before I had to wade through all those people." I managed lamely.

"Dressed that nicely? And since when do you ever go shopping anytime before Christmas Eve, Jules?" Clara said. "Sirius can be guilt-tripped, but I'm not so easy. Try telling the truth. Are you meeting someone?" 

I bit my lip. This could go several ways. Before I could, Clara squealed. "Merlin, you are! Who is it!?" 

"I can't tell you, Clara. Could we please keep this between us? James and everyone else will completely lose it if they find out." I pleaded.

"Promise you'll tell me if it works out and I'll keep my mouth shut, I swear." Clara said solemnly, a glint of excitement in her eyes.

I could work with this. "Deal, now shoo. I want to have time to collect myself before we meet up, okay?" 

The girl nodded eagerly and scampered away. I took a deep breath and ducked under the long willow branches. Regulus did not notice me as he stared out at the lake. He looked really nice in a simple grey knit-sweater and black slacks. His hair was neatly combed and gelled back, which I was slightly disappointed by. I liked his hair the way it was usually.

I said nothing and chose to admire him freely while I could without him noticing and me blushing furiously. I must have shifted or something because he turned around, eyes down with a light blush. I smirked at him and cleared my throat. "You look very nice, Black."

He frowned and looked up at me. "Are you seriously going to call me that?" 

I blushed and shrugged. "Maybe. I have to keep you guessing somehow, right?"

Regulus snorted. "You already do Julie." 

I tilted my head in confusion. "What?"

"I honestly wondered if you were going to come. I mean... I kind of expected this to be some kind of prank. That you might come with all your friends and taunt me about it. I almost did not come but... curiosity killed the cat." He said, looking down again. 

"What changed your mind that this isn't a prank?" I asked softly.

"The fact that you look so nice. That and... When Higgel followed you down here, you tried to lie to her. You haven't said anything about this." Regulus said.

It was my turn to blush. "You heard all that?" 

He nodded. "By the way, you should definitely work on your lying skills. I could tell you were lying and I couldn't even see you."

I scowled. "You knew I was lying because you knew the truth, idiot." I rolled my eyes.

He looked back down. "So what do you want to do?"

I bit my lip. I had no idea. "We could... um..."

He raised his eyebrows. "You don't have anything planned?"

"Of course I do..." I said.

"See, bad liar. You always tug on your hair when you're lying, Julie." Regulus said with a smirk. 

I scoffed. "Do not!" That was when I noticed I was indeed tugging on my hair. It hurt. 

Regulus snickered and pulled my hand away from my poor dark curls. That movement brought him close to me and I stiffened at the contact. He looked down at the ground and stepped away, "I'm sorry."

I nodded without responding and sat down carefully. He sat next to me and looked out at the lake. "It really is a great view. Have you ever stayed to see the stars come out?" 

I shook my head and he smiled. "Well, you definitely must." 

I smiled and agreed to do so. I noticed Hagrid passing with his heavy bags across the pond. "Do you know him?" I asked, pointing to the apprentice gamekeeper across the lake. 

Regulus nodded with a fond look at the almost-gamekeeper. "We have tea sometimes. He's really nice to me." 

"Really?" All the times I'd had tea at Hagrid's hut with Lily or James and his friends, Hagrid had never said a word about Regulus, and the young wizard was a very talkative person.

"Are you surprised that someone could be nice to me, Potter?" Regulus said, looking miffed.

I shook my head quickly. "No! I was surprised you had tea with him. He's never said anything about it."

Regulus shrugged. "There's not much for him to say. I'm not even sure how we connected enough for us to have tea. My mother, honestly, would have a heart attack if she knew I were friends with a half-giant."

I gawked at him. "He's a half-giant!?"

Regulus laughed at my reaction. "Yes. I'm surprised you didn't figure that out on your own, really. I mean... he's only twenty-some years old and there is not a student here taller than him."

I shrugged and managed to process the bit about his mother. He never talked about his family, and that small comment was surprising to say the least. I did not choose to comment on it however and sat there in only slightly awkward silence. After a few minutes, sensing my awkward feeling, Regulus started to say something in attempts to bring conversation back, but as it started out with a teacher's name, I cut him off. "No, let's not talk about school. When we are together, Hogwarts doesn't even exist, okay?"

Regulus laughed at my weird comment and agreed. "But only because I'm curious as to what you plan to discuss instead."

"Fantasies. We have this great big magical world, why not pretend?" I smiled.

I could see him growing on this idea. We could escape reality when together. It would be great fun. We would be like children again. We could base the relationship on a budding friendship instead of years of hate and hurt.


	13. Chapter Thirteen ~Stay Normal~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julie struggles to not tell her friends all the details and Clara won't stop pressuring her.

"How'd it go?" Clara demanded the minute I opened the door to my dorm room. So much for a goodnight's rest before a good lie. 

I had spent the last ten minutes working up tears in the girl's lavatory to prepare my story. I doubted I would need too much waterworks otherwise I would overdo it. I sighed and ignored her question. Crabbiness would sell it more than tears. "Since when are you a Gryffindor?"

Clara ignored my grumpiness and gestured to Alice and Lily as they walked in with Hadley close behind. "They told me I could overnight it here. Flitwick won't mind." 

"Tell us everything, Jules!" Hadley begged as the trio joined Clara on my mattress. I glared at Clara. "You said you'd keep it quiet!" 

"Friends don't count, sweetheart. Don't worry, James won't find out. Promise." Clara said, looking at the other three pointedly. 

I huffed and crossed my arms. "It sucked. I don't want to talk about it."

"Come on, let it out." Hadley encouraged. Lily smacked her arm.

"Don't rush her!" Lily insisted.

"He kept wanting to hold my hand and carry my things." I said, wrinkling my nose with distaste. "He even asked if I wanted a piggy-back ride back inside. Nice enough but really forward."

"Who was it?" Clara asked, laying on her back and staring up at the ceiling. 

This was the hard part. The part where I had to convince them this Hufflepuff existed. I bit my lip and tried to remember the name I had wanted to christen my cover guy with. "Collin Madison." 

I watched my friends' expressions scrunch up as they tried to decide if they knew him.

"He has longish brunette hair and dark eyes..." I said slowly, as if trying to jog their memory. "We don't have any classes with him, he's a seventh year."

The girls shrugged, deciding they did not know him and began gossiping, Alice and Frank were finally going on proper dates and she had all the details to spill. I struggled to keep my own excitement over my budding relationship down while still showing interest in Alice's pleasure in her own.

"He's being so sweet. It's adorable how shy he is." Alice said, smiling brightly as she fawned over her boyfriend.

"You're shy." Lily snorted.

"She's not that shy." Hadley said, siding with their short, dark-haired friend. 

Alice smiled. "I'm a shy gossip. The least shy of the shy crowd."

We giggled at this comment and I ruffled her hair. I loved how soft it was and how the little ends curled over and tickled my fingers. Her messy hair caused Clara to crack up and get a comb to fix it. The whole time though, I could feel Clara's eyes on me, as if she knew I was lying. The truth burned in my stomach, ran cold in my veins, scorched the back of my throat, tickled my nose; as if dying to be spoken aloud. Which was ridiculous. But the guilt was eating me up and it was only the first day. I would never last.


	14. Chapter Fourteen ~The Wolf that Haunts Her Dreams~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Julie still has a lot of things to deal with from Halloween.

Walking down to breakfast that morning nearly killed me. Walking down the hallways left me distracted. I could not focus in class. Admittedly, only half the time was I daydreaming, and only a quarter of that time was it related to Regulus. The other three fourths of that half was more nightmarish than pleasant. I kept hearing Thomas' soft, silky voice in my ear, promising that he would not hurt me, swearing I would enjoy it. I was not able to eat my lunch because my stomach kept churning. Instead I wandered to the near isolated library. I curled up in an empty aisle between bookshelves and tried to calm my breathing down.

'Thomas is gone, you're safe.'  
'You'll enjoy this, Jules' his voice whispered.  
'You're fine. No one is around to hurt you anymore.' 

My breathing became more rapid despite my attempts to relax. I would never be rid of this nightmare. His attempts and whispers would haunt me every day. I burst into tears, my panting ragged. Suddenly someone was there. I could not see who because my vision was swimming and the room was tilting, but I could feel the pressure on my back and panic ensued. Thomas was back. He would hurt me.

"Julie, slow your breathing. Breathe more shallowly, come on..." a soft, masculine voice pleaded. 

It was not Thomas. I tried to convince my brain of that. Thomas was expelled, he could not hurt me anymore. I squeezed my eyes shut and concentrated all my energy on controlling my breathing. 'Slow, shallow breaths, Julie.' I thought to myself. I could calm down.

"There you go. You're alright, Julie. You're safe, I promise." Regulus murmured as I relaxed. 

I buried my face in my hands and cried hard. It was the really gross kind of sobbing, I could feel it. I did not even care, it felt good to cry. As if I did not let it out, I would explode. Regulus pulled away from me as if he sensed that his contact would make it worse. When my tears finally slowed, I looked up at him. "How did you know I was here?"

"I didn't. I just wanted a book and saw you. Are you okay?" he asked worriedly.

I was shaking and felt cold and hot at the same time. My head was spinning from too much oxygen and I felt like I was going to throw up. "I-I'm fine, just a little dizzy." 

Regulus did not buy my story. "Come on, I'm taking you to Madam Pomfrey, okay?" 

I bit my lip. "Nothing gets past you, huh?" 

He smiled at my attempt at humor. "No way." he said with mock-sternness.

He offered me a hand up, but I could not bring myself to accept it. He looked mildly hurt when I stood up on my own, but he hid it well. And he ended up having to support me for a few minutes while I regained my balance anyway. I stiffened at the contact although grateful I had not hit my head on the very solid oak bookshelves. Once Regulus was sure I would not kill myself by fainting, he allowed me to stand on my own. "I'm not comfortable letting you go on your own."

"I'll g-get my brother, he should b-be in the Great H-hall." I said shakily. 

"Alright, at least let me get you out of here, okay?" Regulus requested.

"Fine. But only so you'll stop worrying." I said with a small, teasing smile. Once we left the library I made my way to the hospital ward on my own. I would be just fine, and I knew it. 

Madam Pomfrey gave me a glass of water and let me lie down for a few minutes until I felt better. "You just need some rest." she said. "You look like you haven't slept properly in weeks." 

She was not wrong, but I refused the potion she offered to help with the nightmares. "I'll sleep fine, promise." I said sincerely. 

She let me go after twenty minutes and I began searching for Regulus to reassure him I was fine.


	15. Chapter Fifteen ~Rumors and Fury~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James is talking to Clara and Lily and does not realize Julie is listening in.

"Where's Julie, Higgel?" The voice was infused with panic and fury. 

"What are you so worked up about now, Potter?" Clara asked him sounding exhausted. 

I wondered vaguely if they realized I was only around the corner. I thought about announcing myself, but was suddenly fearful of what James might have heard. 

"Potter, we really need to study right no-" Lily started, but was cut off.

"I was just told by Crouch -a Slytherin no less!- that my twin sister just had a mental breakdown in the library and that she is going crazy. And then his buddy told me that she was in the hospital wing getting drugged up my Pomfrey and I want to know where she is!" James said angrily. I had never heard him snap at Lily ever. 

"I don't know! She disappeared at lunch." Clara said in a tone that sounded very much that she could not care less about Slytherin and their rumors. I adored her for it. 

"She's been acting off ever since Halloween. Has it ever occurred to you two that she might be having a mental break-down? That bloody awful git did things to her we may never even realize and he got her to trust him. We need to help her! You two are two of her closest friends. Please do something!" James pleaded.

Did my own brother really think me that fragile? Did everyone really think I was going crazy? And were they even wrong? I bit my lip and walked away. I had to figure something out. I needed to decide if I was crazy. And if I was, did that not mean that Thomas had inherently won? I could not even handle a guy touching me with out flinching. Suddenly, I was no longer fueled by frets, but by pure, unadulterated, hatred. I was letting Thomas win by these kinds of behaviors. He still had power over me despite the separation. I could not, would not, let it last. I had to rid him from my mind. I had to destroy the chains on me connecting us. 

I stalked down the hallways, searching for the person I knew I could find. He would be there, waiting to make sure I was okay. I had to find him. When I collided with him, he looked surprised. "Ju-?"

I cut him off by kissing him hard on the mouth. Before it could develop a flame or sparks, Regulus shoved me away. "What are you doing?"

I searched his face. He had a mix of terror, shock, and anger on his face. My own fury dissipated at the look and morphed into shame. "S-sorry. I didn't... I don't..."

He took several deep breaths and shook his head. "Calm down. Potter, there are several reasons we can't do this right now. Talk to me later, okay? Meet me in the library at nine tonight. You need to find your brother, okay?" 

I could feel my eyes watering them and hated them for betraying me. I nodded as if I understood and walked away. If I he wanted me to go find James, then visiting my brother would be the last thing I would do. I could do other things. I had homework and obviously no one was up in the dormitories. i would be alone there and could actually process my thoughts without everyone staring and whispering. 

"Isn't she the-"

"Heard... completely mad..."

"-totally, psychotic break-down..."

They whispered. I wanted to punch them all in the face. "Get a bloody life." I whispered to myself as I stormed up the stairs to the girls' dormitories.

A little first year girl was sitting upstairs outside her dorm, crying. As much as I wanted to ignore this, her quiet, pathetic sobbing hurt me so I walked over to her and knelt down. 

"Hello. What's wrong?" I asked as gently as possibly. 

The girl looked up and sniffled. "Th-the girls in my dorm locked me out. And they make fun of me for being muggle-born. They s-said that I wasn't a-a proper witch." 

"What's your name?" I asked, brushing her blonde fringe out of her face. 

"Leah Welch." She said. 

"Well one of my best friends is muggle-born and she's the smartest witch I know. You've seen Lily Evans, right?" I said with a little smile.

She nodded eagerly. 

"Well, the first spell she ever taught me was Alohomora, and it's a pretty handy spell, it unlocks doors." I grinned.

She gave me a watery smile and I showed her how to point her wand and pronounce the word and her door clicked unlocked and I pushed it open. The two girls inside looked shocked. I put my hands on my waist and glared at them. "You two are in Gryffindor, last I checked, not Slytherin. Start acting like it. You wouldn't want me to tell my muggle-born friend about you two, you have no idea the kinds of hexes she could pull, so shape up."

I patted Leah's head and then went off to my own dorm.


	16. Chapter Sixteen ~Friends Are Stronger~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have no explanation for this... just read.. :)

At nine, I grabbed James' invisibility cloak out of his room stealthily and snuck down to the library where Regulus said to meet. I had thought about not going at all, but decided I should. I needed to know why he had not wanted me to kiss him. I honestly did not think I was personally ready to kiss him, but why had he pushed me away?

I looked around for him and, when I did not see him, started whispering his name. He appeared suddenly and I slid my cloak off so it was hanging on my shoulders loosely. He was fiddling with his hands and looked anxious. 

"Please, don't misunderstand, okay? We just... I think we should slow down. Get to know each other... and you're working through a lot of stuff and I don't want to hurt you, so I think it would be better if..." Regulus started, talking quickly and slowly as he searched for the words he wanted.

I bit my lip. "We should try to be friends before anything else? I'm okay with that honestly. I think it's a really good idea."

I watched as his shoulders relaxed and he was suddenly wearing an actual smile. I did not think I had ever seen him smile before because of me, not some far away, dreamy look. It was nice. "That is exactly what I want."

I reached my hand up to my hair and started twisting it around my fingers nervously. What now? My friends had all started in the innocent years of first year and we had not planned it and we were comfortable. We did not have to hide. This would be very hard. He looked at down at the floor. And an idea occurred to me. There was a lot we did not know about each other.

"What's your favorite color?" I asked.

He looked up at me in confusion. "Silver, why?"

"Mine is purple." I said with a shrug. "Favorite food?"

He snorted, catching on. We both sat down, cross-legged. "Fettuccine Alfredo." 

"Sweet and sour prawns." I nodded. 

"Favorite dessert?" he asked.

"Baked Alaska." I grinned dreamily as I thought about it. 

"Crème brûlée." he responded. "Favorite weather?"

I rolled my eyes. "Winter. I like how the snow covers everything like a blanket."

"Spring." he said, no explanation needed.

"Best friend?" I asked, really curious to find this one out.

"Evan Rosier." He said. 

I did not actually want to answer my own question. I knew how abandoned Regulus felt by his older brother and I felt guilty all of a sudden that Sirius was my closest friend.

"It's okay. I know it's Sirius." Regulus said with a sigh.

I bit my lip and decided it would be stupid to apologize for it. "Favorite book." 

"Helter Skelter by Bugliosi and Gentry." Regulus replied swiftly.

My face lit up. "I love that book! My all-time favorite though is Ragtime by Doctorow." 

"Isn't that the new one that came out a few months ago?" Regulus asked, eyes wide.

I nodded eagerly. "I can loan it to you if you like."

"Please. No spoilers though." Regulus said, seriously.

I nodded to say 'Obviously.'

"Alright... favorite Quidditch team?" 

"Holyhead Harpies." Regulus said.

"Same." 

"Favorite position?" Regulus asked.

"Beater. I tried to convince James once. He said that he'd rather be a chaser. Which is why we're both chasers." I said with a pout.

Regulus laughed at that. "Seeker, but that's obvious I guess."

"Favorite subject?" I asked.

"Potions." Regulus said with a shrug.

"Of course it is. Slughorn adores his Slug Club." I snorted.

"Which you're on, I might add."

"Fair point. My favorite is... probably Charms." I nodded.

"Don't let McGonagall hear that." he smirked.

"I don't know... I'm dreadful at Transfiguration. I think she secretly hates me." 

"I doubt it. She's just severe." Regulus shrugged.

"O.W.L. score?" I asked.

"Haven't taken it yet... remember?" Regulus laughed.

"Right, fifth year. I keep forgetting." I sighed.

"What'd you get?"

"Seven." I said with a shrug. James had gotten five, so I supposed it was pretty good. Lily had gotten all nine, no surprises there. 

"That's really good!" Regulus said. 

"I guess." I said. "Favorite family member?"

"Sirius." Regulus said.

"Are you..." I stopped, not about to make that joke when I realized that it was, indeed, a pun.

"You?" Regulus asked, not meeting my eyes.

"James, obviously... but why Sirius, Black?" 

"Because, he's escaped our family. And now all the pressure is on me. He has the bravery I don't. There's a reason he's in Gryffindor and I'm in Slytherin." Regulus said.

"The Hat wanted to put me in Hufflepuff you know." I said absently, not liking how sad Regulus sounded.

"Really?"

"I said no. I wanted to be with James in Gryffindor. Sometimes, I dream that it tells me my fate would have been happier in Hufflepuff. I don't think so, though." I said, surprised I was talking about this. I never told anyone about it. 

"You'd look nice in yellow." Regulus commented, making me blush.

"Th-thanks." I stuttered. "We should go to bed, you know. It's late."

He nodded and left. I pulled the cloak over my head and walked slowly back to my dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this chapter. I did so much research for this stuff... I can't even tell you..btw, the foods mentioned are actually popular british meals from the 1970s. (except for the fettuccine I didn't look that one up... so it could be wrong, but I don't care). The books mentioned were also popular during that time period. And I did a ton of research about death eaters that would have been in school with them during the time that these kids were so... Evan Rosier...
> 
> Also... I'm working on making Regulus more canon. The scene from the last chapter is seriously important guys. 
> 
> Okay, that's all for now. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I'm open to corrections on the history if you can support it.... Alright, bye now!


	17. Chapter Seventeen ~Hark of the Bells~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is here~ Yes, I am skipping ahead by about a month!

The following weeks pass relatively smoothly. Regulus and I scheduled regular meet-ups at various places and my friends no longer suspected a thing. It was brilliant. Regulus was a great friend. He was interested in similar things as me in the book category and he actually got some of my jokes. Christmas came in a whirlwind of shockingly sudden snow and ice. It had been beautiful one day and the next blizzards. The moment it calmed down enough to go outside, I practically apparated there and began a snowball fight with the 'Marauders' (as James had started insisting we call ourselves. He, Remus, and Sirius were working on this map of the school. They were really excited about it.) and my own girl friends. It was a blast, and Lily had actually accepted James' invitation to Hogsmeade! Finally! (The date had not gone very well though, apparently Severus Snape had shown up and got really angry about the whole thing. Lily came back in tears. I had always felt bad for Snape, but that was much too far.)

However, the afternoon before Christmas Eve rolled around, and, true to my own traditions, I had not purchased a single gift. I went on a huge spree through Hogsmeade that day. Christmas Eve, James and I exchanged one little gift like we did every year and he got me something really sweet. It was this double necklace that split up and was worn by two people and when connected, read "PARTNERS IN CRIME.' (My half read 'NERS N IME' and his read 'PART I CR') I got him a sheets for his favorite Quidditch team. 

The morning of Christmas, all our gifts were at the foot of our beds. I unwrapped all of them quickly. Lily bought me a copy of a new book I had been wanting to read, Alice and Clara had split the price for a miniature model snitch, Sirius had bought me a beater's club that he had charmed to be a dark shade of violet, Remus a miniature dragon charmed to walk around and fly a few feet near its owner, and Regulus a copy of Helter Skelter that he had gotten signed. It was a fantastic batch of gifts, and mom and dad sent a letter and a small purse full of coins to buy some sweets at Honeyduke's. 

I clambered outside with Alice, Clara, Frank, and Sirius and I had another snowball fight. Afterwards, James, Sirius, and I turned into our Animagus forms and wrestled. I beat James twice and Sirius four times in my form as a black panther. 

"It's not fair, Fangs." Sirius whined, reverting to our nicknames. 

I rolled my eyes. "It's not fair that I have to listen to you make excuses all the time to spare your enormous ego." 

James laughed at that and Sirius morphed, and pounced on him. I cracked up at the ridiculous sight and snuck off to find Regulus. I wanted to thank him for my amazing give and ensure he got mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shortness! Hope you enjoyed this little thing even though it was rushed!


	18. Chapter Eighteen ~Try to Be Merry~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are a lot of fire metaphors in this one. That's all I'm saying.

Absolutely no one was in the library at the hour I was. Everyone was away, celebrating Christmas. Mum and Dad had been disappointed we did not join them at home, but James and I agreed to stay at school that year and keep Sirius company. Otherwise, there was the chance he and his brother might have the whole school to themselves, and we may come back to a pile of bricks. 

Even the hawk-like librarian had gone home for the holidays. Meaning that when Regulus peered out with a smirk from behind a bookshelf, we were truly alone. "Thanks for the book! I've already started reading it!" 

I grinned brightly and tackled him in a hug. "I can't believe you got Helter Skelter signed! Thank you! Best friend ever!"

Regulus blushed shyly. Even after so long, he was still really awkward when it came to people and hugging. And hugging. "You know, we have not really been sticking to your rule lately."

"I know... fantasies then!" I said cheerily.

Regulus chuckled and ruffled my hair. "You'd make a good fairy."

"Is that a short joke mister? I don't find it funny!" I said mock-crossly. "It's not my fault he took all height." 

Regulus tapped the tip of my nose. "You're breaking the rules." 

I snorted and nodded. "I would make a good fairy, and you... you could be my dark elf friend!" I skipped away when he tried to grab my wrists and managed to circle behind him without being noticed and tapped his shoulder. 

Regulus laughed. "You're so weird."

I grinned merrily and skipped to a different isle with him following me. At some point I suddenly could not move my feet. I looked down in confusion. They were practically glued to the ground. I was able to turn around however, and Regulus' face was inches from mine. Close enough for his warm, gingerbread-smelling breath to fan across my face. I resented the sudden pick up in my pulse and the heat coloring my face. I understood now. He had set up mistletoe on the ceiling. It was enchanted so that if two people were beneath it at the same time, they could not leave until they kissed.

"I have yet to return the dare." he said, before pressing his mouth against mine. 

It was sweet and innocent. His hands held mine at our sides and there was no fire. It was not expectant or demanding, it was just existing. Like two candle flames dancing near each other, but innocent and not dangerous as long as they were not tipped over. That's what we were. Two dancing candle flames. If we were not discovered, we were safe. We were not unbalanced.

The kiss only lasted a few second, but it left me breathless. I was the first to pull away, and I pulled away so far, I was several feet away from him. He looked nervous, like the little fairy might kill the dark elf for kissing her. I smiled at him. (He later told me I had not smiled, I had glowed. I had glowed so brightly, I had blinded him. I said later that he was dramatic.)

I was sorely tempted to tackle him and kiss him again. To create sparks and flames. But I did not. Instead I turned away and danced to the Christmas-y music jingling through every room. Regulus laughed and joined me, taking my hands and twirling me around. It was my favorite memory I have ever had of Christmas.


	19. Chapter Nineteen ~Healing Scars~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julie and Regulus have lots to talk about that they've been avoiding. (Long chapter for you guys because it's been so long.)

After Christmas break, I had really hoped that my new relationship would help with the nightmares. I had so much to be happy about. Yet Halloween kept haunting me like my new personal shadow. I could not even go into the Hog's Head without having a panic attack. I knew my friends were incredibly worried for me, but I could not help the screams in the middle of the night from the horrible dreams. January was a horrible month for me. The first week of classes were the worst. I was on my way to class and saw Regulus and Evan Rosier in the hallway. I had no idea what came over me. I just started screaming at Regulus and slapped him hard enough to leave a large red handprint on his face. I then proceeded to ran away in a huge fit of tears. I collapsed about three feet away shaking and lashing out at anyone that came near me. I actually have no memory of leaving the class before the breakdown, but James and Sirius saw the whole thing. They had to drag me away and try to calm me down. After the incident, Sirius would not let it go. He was insistent that there had to be a reason why his little brother had triggered episode. 

"Potter, please tell me. I won't tell a soul. Did he hurt you too? We all know he was there. Did he help that scumbag?" Sirius demanded while we were alone in the common room, pretending we were really studying. 

 

"No, he didn't hurt me. I think it just happened because he was there when it happened. I don't even know why I'm having such a hard time getting over it. He didn't actually rape me." I sighed, pressing the heels of my palms against my eyes.

"I can't pretend to know what happened, Julie. But I hate to see you so upset. Please let me help. You need to talk to someone. I don't care if it's me or a complete stranger. But you can't pretend it never happened, alright?" Sirius said seriously.

I thought about it. He was right. I could never heal from it if I ignored the entire ordeal. I shut my book closed and took a deep breath. "I was drunk. You remember?"

Sirius nodded slowly. I had never seen him so attentive.

"I thought he was drunk too. I thought that he was just taking me upstairs to lay down. To sleep it off or something. There were blankets waiting up there. I got scared. It felt too planned." I could visualize the exact events like it were happening that second. I could feel his cold, ice cold, hands burning around my arms like they were present in that moment. I closed my eyes, desperately fighting to stay calm and kept going. "He asked me to lay down. I didn't want to, so he pulled me down. I was too drunk to fight him. He took off that corset I was wearing. I begged him to stop. He knew... he knew I didn't want him to touch me the way he was. He started kissing me. S-said I would enjoy it. I tried again and he snapped, tugging down my skirt. He wouldn't stop touching me. I couldn't do anything to stop him. Th-there was nothing I could do. And then Regulus was there. He had overheard Thomas gloating to his friends about what he was going to do with his girlfriend and saw him drag me upstairs. He hit him a few times and gave me the robe he was wearing. Then he took me..." I couldn't breathe, the event flashing over and over in my head. "He took me to you guys."

Sirius did not say anything, just stared at me the way he always did. He did not apologize or tell me I would be okay. "I'm here for you, Julie. Okay? You have all you're friends. And we all love you. We'll never let anyone else hurt you." 

I stood up shakily and hugged him. "You're a fantastic friend, Siri. Thank you." 

He kissed my cheek and ruffled my hair. "Go get some sleep, honey."

I smiled a little and went upstairs to do as he asked. The nightmare wasn't so bad that time. It was actually bearable. It didn't even wake me up. 

***

"Regulus, we need to talk." I said, nervously twisting the bottom of my sweater in my hands. 

"What's wrong, Julie?" Regulus asked, glancing up from his homework. 

I sat down and met his eyes. "In order for us to actually... date... I need to know why we never got along before. Why were you so mean to me?"

"Mean to... you? Are you kidding me right now? You came up to me randomly and just started yelling at me. Of course I yelled back." Regulus sputtered.

"Don't misunderstand, I know I was not nice either, but I want to address this first." I said.

"You were best friends with my brother. He chose you and Potter and the rest of you over me." Regulus said, shockingly honest. I was not expecting such honesty right away. "And you were pretty and nice and helped kids who were being bullied, but you were always the one that bullied me. Admittedly, you aren't the only one, but it was so much worse coming from you." 

I sat there in shock. "I... bullied you? I'm so sorry... you're right, I just never realized. I was awful to you. For years. And you really never did anything to me. Why do you even like me?" 

"Because I realized you were just trying to be a good friend. And I'm pretty observant. You help people and you're almost always laughing. Suddenly, I wanted to be the one to make you laugh. Which is why I got so much meaner. I hated myself for wanting that." Regulus said, no longer looking at me. "So what about you?" 

"I'll be honest, I truly hated you. At first, I just knew you were this annoying little brother that was the reason Sirius' parents resented him. I blamed you for how he was treated. Which I understand now was completely unfair. I wanted you to be as miserable as him. And then when he ended up at my house this summer, I completely snapped. But for some reason, I found you unbearably attractive. I'm not sure completely why, honestly. I started dating Thomas so I wouldn't think about you anymore. But then you saved me from him, and now you were my hero. The one that would protect me. Which is the last thing I want. I don't want protection or some masked man in a cape who will shelter me from all the horrors. I don't need a father or a brother. I just wanted you to feel the same way I do about you. You are so kind, and quiet, and you care. You'll listen when no one else will. I'm a little less observant, and there are things I can't wait to learn. Like nervous habits you might have that I'll find adorable." It was not until I finished talking that I realized my voice was barely above a whisper and there was a good chance he could not hear me. But when I looked back up at him, I knew he had. 

His face was bright red and he was fighting a little smile. I had done that. 

"If I promise to not protect you unless you give me permission, can I hug you?" Regulus asked so quietly. 

I grinned and nodded. I stood up as if I were going to look for a book and after a few minutes, he followed me. We were in the very back of the library, in a section about proper cauldron care. I engulfed him in a hug, pressing my face against his chest. At that moment, I realized how I was too far in this to get out without being hurt. A little bubble of fear began growing inside me, but he pushed it away with his arms around my waist and chin resting on my head. I would be perfectly fine with letting him hold me forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was long overdue. Hope you guys liked it!!!


	20. Chapter Twenty ~Spoiling the Fun~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a major time skip here. It's right after their exams, so Regulus has taken his OWLS, finally. :)

"Where are you going, Jules?" Sirius asked, running up behind me.

Everyone was beaming and lighthearted these days. Not having any more exams bearing down on a person was a major mood changer. I myself was fighting a huge smile. Regulus and I had been working on plans to see each other for a month. I had never been so excited to work in my life. "Down to the lake for a walk."

"Mind if I join you?" Sirius asked with a smirk.

"Sure." I said, hooking my arm with his. "How's Clara these days? You two still being adorable? I haven't seen that cute little Ravenclaw in quite a while." 

"She's been holed up in the library studying constantly. I haven't seen much of her either to be very honest. But yesterday we went to Zonko's together." Sirius said with a smile. "And what about you, kiddo? You've been rather withdrawn lately." Sirius said.

"I've been hanging out in the library with Reg." I said without thinking.

"That's ni-" Sirius said absently before fully processing my words. I winced at my dreadful mistake. "You WHAT?"

"I-I mean tha-" I stammered, trying in vain to correct the slip up.

"Explain right now, Julie." Sirius said, eyes dark and full of confusion.

"I only meant that we were studying together and um..." I faltered.

"He is a year below you and taking very different classes." Sirius said angrily.

"Okay, okay...Um, calm down..." I said, hands shaking with my anxiety.

"Are you two... together?" Sirius demanded.

"Sort of." I responded awkwardly.

"How in the world did that even happen?" Sirius said, hands running through his hair as he tried to process it.

"I don't really know to be honest... But you can't tell anyone! James will flip out. He'll kill him." I said, wringing my hands stressfully. 

"I don't have any problems with that." Sirius spat, crossing his arms.

"You can't mean that. He's your little brother. I have never seen him smile before we got together. Talk to him. If he's not happy, then tell everyone. I just want him to be happy, Siri." I said fretfully. 

"You're in love." Sirius said, face screwed up in complete disgust. "Are you happy, Julie?"

"I'm so happy." I said earnestly. 

"You promise me? You'll tell me if you aren't?" Sirius insisted.

"I swear it."

"I won't tell, but I'm having a talk with my brother." Sirius nodded.

****

I wriggled into Regulus' arms, demanding attention. He chuckled, setting down his book, and stroking my hair. "Hello, Julie."

I pressed my face into the crook of his neck and looped my arms around his waist loosely. "You smell like vanilla coffee." 

"Do I now? You know I've never had coffee?" Regulus said seriously.

"You haven't? That's a crime!" I cried, sitting up.

"I like the smell though. But Sirius always said it tasted too bitter. He said I wouldn't like it." Regulus said with a shrug.

"You like your drinks sweet then? How about we go get some hot chocolate then? We could drink it down by the lake." I said, already standing up and grabbing his hand.

"On a hot day like this? Wouldn't you prefer pumpkin juice, Julie?" Regulus said, tilting his head.

"Oh. Right." I frowned, sitting back down on his lap. 

"Julie, can I steal my brother for a minute?" Sirius asked, looking incredibly uncomfortable.

"You know where the library is, Siri?" I teased in some actual surprise. 

Sirius rolled his eyes as Regulus stood up hurriedly, stuttering some incoherent excuse for why Sirius' best friend was sitting on his lap in the library. 

"Stop it, Reg." I said, taking his hand. "I slipped up, he already knows. He just wants to talk, okay?" I added sweetly.

Regulus looked hesitantly into my eyes before nodding slowly. "Alright, talk."

The two boys headed out of the library and I wandered off to find my friends. We were going to meet up at Honeydukes' for our end-of-the-year-six-rounds-of-butterbeer. We had started it in fourth year and every year added a drink to celebrate our progression to the next year at Hogwarts. I skipped the entire way to Hogsmeade, a bubbly happy feeling consuming me entirely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the start of Seventh year, yay! Progress!


	21. Chapter Twenty One ~What Goes Up~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~Reminder~ This is the start of Seventh year, not the end of Sixth  
> Enjoy

I wriggled in my seat on the train beside Clara and Alice. Lily was sitting across from me, Peter next to her, Sirius the closest to the door and James and Remus insisting there was room for them too. There most definitely was not. Unless of course, Lily sat on James lap and I sat on Sirius. I was not about about to sit on anyone's lap. "Absolutely not! IF the train was in a wreck, it'd be much more hazardous. I could die." I said dramatically, trying to talk myself out of it. 

"Doubtful. The Hogwarts Express has never been in a wreck since it was created." Remus said, crossing his arms. 

I whined in frustration. "No! I am not sitting on any of your laps. Why doesn't Clara sit on Sirius' lap?" 

Clara made a face. "Absolutely not."

They had broken up over the summer. It was awful. They refused to recognize the other's existence entirely. From what I had heard, Clara was furious that Sirius had made some really idiotic mistake and Sirius was ticked because he thought it was her fault. There was no other explanation, but we all were extremely curious about it. "I'm going to get something from the lunch trolley. And if anyone takes my seat, they'll get a one way flight to the wheat fields." I glared pointedly at the standing boys and then at the window before taking my leave. 

I slid the door closed behind me and went in search of Regulus. Our plans to meet up and stay in contact had been foiled by my parents and the death of my poor little owl. Quill had gotten hungry, that mischievous little cat. But Apollo had gotten his final revenge, Quill was blinded in his left eye. 

I stumbled into a first year and apologized quickly before continuing my search. I spotted a familiar Gryffindor up ahead and ceased my journey in favor of saying hello to Frank Longbottom. "Hey, Frank!" I said with a little smile. 

He was a cute guy. Awkward, but he had grown out of his baby fat and stutter and was one of the most attractive boys in our House. Alice had made a fine choice, lucky girl. I hoped they would be happy together. "Hello, Julie." Frank looked a little surprised to have me stop to talk to him. Last year I had been kind of antisocial, quite frankly. (A/N: Pun not originally intended, I swear) 

"Good summer?" I asked for lack of anything better to ask.

"Yeah, my parents took a trip to Greece with me. We saw some pretty nice ruins and plants." Frank replied with a smile. Alice had told me he was fantastic at Herbology, best in our year, or something. 

"Sweet. That sounds like a load of fun. I really should be going if I'm going to catch the lunch trolley, but we should talk sometime." I said, interested in maybe making a new friend. 

"Sure." Frank said with a shrug, still looking a little shocked. 

I continued my walk until I reached the side where the Slytherins usually inhabited. Serverus Snape, Evan Rosier, Wilkes, Avery, Mulciber, Barty Crouch Jr., and Regulus were all talking quietly in an open compartment. I halted and listened intently. 

"..rise. I doubt if Hogwarts will even.... after much longer. We we will..... Those filthy... and it...be ours." That was Rosier talking. His voice made my blood run cold. I was not quite sure what they were talking about, but I hated the way he spoke of it. 

"Lord... make him pleased." Crouch said with a smirk-ish sound in his voice. 

The real question was, What in the world was Regulus doing with those creeps? 

I turned to leave and ran straight into a Slytherin girl I did not recognize. Her face was narrow and eyes an odd silvery color. "What are you doing back here, little eavesdropper? You know people used to cut off ears for such an offense." 

My eyes widened and I slowly backed away. "I was just looking for the lunch trolley."

A head poked out of the open compartment I had just been listening to. "Why? Is it here? I'm rather hungry." It was Regulus.

"No, I just was looking, I'm sorry." I said, taking in Regulus. His hair was much shorter than I last saw him. A shame really. He had such nice hair. 

I stepped past her and the girl caught my wrist. "Don't let me catch you where you don't belong again, little girl. You might not get so lucky next time."

I tugged my hand away and left in quite a hurry. Regulus joined me in an empty compartment after several minutes. He kissed my forehead and sat down so we could get caught up.


	22. Chapter Twenty Two ~Must Come Crashing Down~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable." -Mark Twain  
> "Power was my weakness and my temptation." Jo Rowling

Settling back into the routine of Hogwarts was unexpectedly easy. Despite the much greater work load of Seventh Year, things were very similar. The only difference was that everyone was studying with the people they would be working with. Whatever career path one chose, those that chose it would be with them the rest of their lives. It had not occurred to me that I would be working with Alice, Frank, and Sirius until I was in every class with them. We had all chosen ministry jobs in the Department of Mysteries.

The two hours at the end of the week was the only free time I had. And I was not even procrastinating on my work. I just sincerely had that much on my plate. I never saw Clara, Remus, James, Lily, Peter, or Regulus anymore. Alice, Frank, Sirius, and I, however, had become attached at the hips. We were constantly together. We studied, quizzed each other, and went to every class together. I knew Sirius missed being with his other friends as much as I did, but we had chosen different paths. James wanted to be an Auror, Lily some sort of researcher in the ministry, Remus a teacher, and Peter wanted to open some pub down in Diagon Alley, as if it needed another. And Clara and Regulus were a year below the rest of us. 

Regulus said he understood that I was so busy. He said it did not matter, but I could see the jealousy in his eyes whenever he looked at Sirius. I reminded myself every time I noticed this that it was not at all my fault, but it was of little consolation. I also noticed that Regulus was turning into a thin sort. His shoulders were narrow, his waist thin, his legs long and although just as in shape as Siriuis', still alarmingly thin. I wandered if he was eating. Unfortunately, I did not have the time on my plate to ensure he was.

The first week of October was the first break I caught, I went searching in the library for Regulus in hopes of maybe getting a little time with him, but I only came across the stuck-up Slytherin girl from the train. "Potter." she scoffed at me. 

I tilted my head, trying to figure out what exactly I had done to her. "I'm sorry, but could you let me pass?"

The silvery-eyed girl crossed her arms and blocked my exit even more then she had been. "I don't want to. I think you need to leave immediately."

"I can't, you're in my way." I sighed. 

"I was not referring to the library. I was speaking of Regulus. He has a mission, a purpose. You will ruin his life, you muggle-lover." The girl said, wrinkling her nose in distaste as she spat the term at me.

"I want nothing to do with Regulus. I hate him. Now please let me go!" I huffed in irritation.

"You think you two are being so sneaky, making out in back sections of the library and chatting in empty compartments. But I saw you. I saw the way he looked at you. He would be much better off with someone like him." The girl who I still did not know insisted.

"Really? Someone like you, you mean? Do you want to know what I think?" I asked, stepping towards her.

"Not really." The girl said, getting in my face.

"Too bad. I think that you are a hateful little snob that is used to getting what she wants. You think you can come over here, tell me what's what and I'll be too scared to do what I want. Well you're wrong, kid. You are not going to bully me for something I'm not doing. And by the way, I would be a much better influence on Regulus if I were friendly with him then you ever would be." I pushed her none too gently out of my way and stormed out of the library in a fury. 

What she had said to me whirled around my brain. She said Regulus had mission. But that did not make any sense. A mission from whom? I ran straight into Regulus before I could ponder it further and the question came flooding out of my mouth. "What mission do you have?" 

Regulus pulled me to my feet and dragged me to an empty corridor. He faced me, a frown on his face. "Where did you hear that from?"

"That Slytherin girl that yelled at me on the train. What's her damage anyway?" I snapped, crossing my arms.

"Laila." Regulus muttered. "I thought she was smarter than that." 

"What?" 

"Laila Corinth. She should have known better than to say anything." 

"You're keeping something from me! Are you two together now?" I could feel tears fill my eyes as I clenched my fists. Fury, hatred, and grief filled my lungs until I was choking on it.

"No, no, no! Not in a million years." Regulus shook his head fervently. "No, Julie. She... we're..." Regulus raised the sleeve on his dominant arm so I could see the black inky swirls tattooed there. At first it just looked like smoke. But then I made out the skeleton's face, with the snake slithering out it's mouth. The feared Dark Mark. The thing gave me chills seeing it in person. 

The Dark Mark appeared started appearing in the newspapers almost every day over the summer. Witches and wizards would go missing and so would muggles. Everyone blamed He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. If someone went missing, everyone knew they would never be seen again. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was the most powerful and feared dark wizard to ever come across history. He gathered so many followers, those called Death Eaters, and branded them so they could never leave. Regulus was one of them now. He might as well be as lost as those that fell victim to the Dark Lord.


	23. Twenty Three ~The World is Dark~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is literally just a quick little filler. Apologies for the crappiness, but I need to get to the better stuff.

Everyone always told me that seventh year would be the hardest and the best. It never really sank in until halfway through the year, as I struggled to finish homework and avoided thinking about Halloween all together. Regulus and I started fighting at Christmas. He was changing. He was jumpier, and started hanging around those kids I never trusted. It was He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's fault. And that was who I blamed. I begged him to go into hiding at the end of next year with me, we could hide from the darkness and everyone else until the war was over. But Regulus was proud of his position. He liked it. 

Nothing scared me more. 

But we did not fight the whole time. He was still sweet and polite. He liked to come up behind me when no one else was around and hug me. And we would go to the darkest corners of the Three Broomsticks and share butterbeers and short-lived kisses. Sometimes Sirius would be our lookout. It was most certainly the best year and the hardest. 

James was dating Lily. He was so happy and they spent so much time together. It was disgustingly adorable and I wondered if Regulus and I were ever so awful. Probably. It made me want to tell James about Regulus so much, to let him see how happy someone had made me. But he would never approve. And I knew better. 

Remus was what I was most concerned about. He started looking exhausted and old. He started falling asleep in class around the full moon and he was even more violent as a werewolf. I feared that something bad would happen to him. 

"JULIE!" Regulus said, shaking me. I blinked and tried to remember how I had ended up in the Slytherin dormitories.

I looked over at him and realized I had been so lost in that I had not heard a word he was saying. "Yeah?"

"Sirius told me you have an animagus form. Can I see it?" Regulus asked, giving me those eyes I could never resist. 

I smiled and concentrated on changing. I laid down, letting Regulus come to me. The animal instincts in that form made it difficult to concentrate on being human. Regulus walked over hesitantly and then began slowly petting me. It felt wonderful and deep vibrations sounded in my throat, startling him. He realized quickly that it was only purring and continued what he had been doing. Eventually I curled up next to him in his bed and fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> All credit to the amazing J.K. Rowling for all the characters except for my OCs.  
> This is my idea, please don't steal!


End file.
